


Use My Voice

by phoenixjustice



Category: Professional Wrestling, 新日本プロレス | New Japan Pro-Wrestling
Genre: How do feelings work? (Naito learns), Jay White's Showboating Often Covers Up Deep Self Doubts, Kayfabe Compliant, M/M, Mutual Pining, Naito POV, Pining, Tetsuya Naito's Indifference Often Covers Up Deep Seated Feelings, This was supposed to be a PWP, and then post Road to Castle Attack (current day), but then feels got involved, oh god the yearning, post Wrestle Kingdom 15, slightly kinky, the yearning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:34:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29511159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixjustice/pseuds/phoenixjustice
Summary: There is usually a line, a fine,fine,line that they both never move past, ever. The line that was always to be ignored, never to be crossed--
Relationships: Naito Tetsuya/Jay White
Comments: 6
Kudos: 12





	Use My Voice

**Author's Note:**

  * For [altered_eagle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/altered_eagle/gifts), [pretzelduck](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretzelduck/gifts).



"Looks like some congratulations are in order!"

The form of one Jay White, leader of the Bullet Club-and perpetual thorn in his side-is one he does not expect to see. Especially standing in front of his hotel room.

Not to mention that Jay White seemed to be quite...preoccupied, as of late (his words after _Wrestle Kingdom_ said as much.)

"So who did you pay off to know where I would be?" He asks in a disinterested tone.

"Oh _come now,_ Naito, _cabron._ Don't focus on the small details! You should be _ecstatic_ right now, _mi amigo."_

He walks over, obviously uncaring of his contradictory words, and slings an arm around Tetsuya's neck, a too wide grin on his face.

"You should be on Cloud Nine right now! I mean you got the match you wanted so _desperately_ at _Wrestle Kingdom,_ didn't you?"

He didn't smell it, but- "Have you been drinking?"

There were many reasons why Jay White would approach him, but in circumstances such as these, he would have expected, if he was back in Japan as he obviously was, to engage with the Bullet Club or maybe to confront Ibushi.

"Me?" Jay asks, putting a hand to his chest and widening his eyes almost comically. "I don't need alcohol to deal with you, my friend. No no…"

"I just thought you might after I beat your newest recruit. Perhaps you were still holding onto anger about that for all this time?" Tetsuya says with a smile, ignoring the pain in his chest at the reminder of EVIL's betrayal, tamping it back firmly down as he had gotten used to doing since it first happened.

He hadn't let the world at large see the extent of his hurt-or even of his anger-but as though he could sense it, Jay affixes him with a more calculated look now. He was rather talented, Jay-scarily so sometimes-in reading people, using his brashness to mask the wheels turning in his head, planning, thinking.

"Maybe I wanted to wait to celebrate with my people down the road." Jay finally says, that calculating look still on his face. "Or maybe I wanted a clear head for what was to come next."

His heart races at that, despite himself, and he looks at him even closer now. Jay was many things, including a liar to many, Tetsuya included...only Tetsuya knew how to read him, to know what he was saying was the truth or was a lie-and they both knew it.

Jay was being unusually truthful.

The only question was...why?

Now that he was observing him closer, he can see how he is fidgeting, full of an obvious nervous energy, as if doing what he can to psych himself up about something-but is worried about the reaction.

What could worry Jay White, leader of the Bullet Club, so?

He tilts his head, as if in deep thought.

"And just what could you need a clear head for, Jay?"

Was it the first time he called the other wrestler solely by his first name? And if it was-or even if it wasn't-then why did it matter? Why did he notice such a thing?

Abruptly Jay pulls away, his surprisingly warm arm jerking away from him and he can see his hands clenching over and over again. He was agitated in a way that he can't recall seeing him being before. Jay was full of many highs and lows, in all he had observed of him, especially so after his excursion...no maybe even before then.

Before Jay had left on excursion, when he had still been a Young Lion, what had Jay been like?

He hadn't really thought about it for a long time. He had become so focused back then, not just on his own personal growth and desire to get further along in New Japan, but also had begun to help foster the talent he had seen in Hiromu (back even before Hiromu had been sent to Mexico on excursion under the name Kamaitachi) and of course furthering along _Los Ingobernables de Japon…_

That pain again. He ignores it and looks back at Jay and the other man stills as their eyes meet the moment they turn to look at one another. He watches as the other man's throat contracts, watches his tongue dart out to wet his lips, their eyes meeting again after Tetsuya's eyes move back up.

The tension is so palpable that even Tetsuya can't pretend it doesn't exist like he usually does, like they usually do. There is usually a line, a fine, _fine,_ line that they both never move past, ever. The line that was always to be ignored, never to be crossed-

Something in Jay's expression breaks. "Naito-"

He pushes Jay up against the wall, kissing him. Jay gasps against his mouth, moving with him as he fumbles the door open, his hands barely getting the door closed back behind them before they fall into a heap by it. He lands hard on his knees but barely notices as Jay pulls him closer, their mouths moving against each other again and again.

He nearly stumbles but his hands find purchase in Jay's hair, pulling a bit. Jay lets out a sound against his mouth, pulling back. For all that he had pulled his hair many times in the ring (or around it), he still finds himself easing up. The sight of Jay panting, his chest moving up and down with his labored breaths, looking at his wet mouth from where he had been kissing it…

He pulls on Jay's hair harder, experimentally, more akin to the rough pulls either would give to each other when they wrestled…and Jay _moans._

He closes his eyes for a moment, the only sound their panting breaths, so close...so close…

The thought of _what are we doing_ passes through his mind while he leans in to kiss him again, quickly followed by _we. We we we we we we WE…_

"What-" He starts.

" _No."_ Jay hisses. He shivers. "Don't."

He yanks on his hair again, savoring the sound Jay makes. He looks at him for a long moment, their eyes catching each other's once more. What made someone like Jay White tick? And in a moment such as this…

He tilts his head, before letting out a breath, abruptly letting go of Jay, making him nearly fall. He starts to stand, ignoring the pain in his knees, looking down at the other man. He watches, silent, as one of Jay's hands moves slowly to the front of Tetsuya's jeans, his mouth curved into a smirk, as if in control, smug, self-assured...but his eyes tell a different story. His eyes ask for _permission_ and isn't _that_ an incredibly... _tantalizing_ thought?

He holds back a shiver and instead pulls him up with quick hands. Jay lets out a noise of surprise, his eyes looking at Tetsuya questioningly. He pushes at him, making him stumble back.

"What the fuck?" Jay says. "What are you-"

He pushes at him again and again, making him step back further and further, leading him where he wants to go, never pushing hard enough for him to fall down but enough to make him move. Then, finally, Jay stumbles back, the back of his legs hitting the hotel bed. He glances down at it, then back at Tetsuya, a small laugh coming forth.

"If that's what you wanted, all you had to do was _ask,"_ Jay croons. He sits on the bed, scooting back, eyes never leaving Tetsuya's face. "Come here."

Propped on an elbow, he crooks a finger at Tetsuya...and he can't look away. He makes his way over, kicking off his shoes along the way without a second thought, with Jay kicking off his own before he reaches him. His breath catches when Jay's foot touches his leg, moving slowly upwards. Their eyes meet again.

_What was this?_

That thought passes through his head as he pushes Jay's leg away and starts to get on the bed, moving slowly atop him.

_Why did this feel so_ _easy?_

"Hey, hey," Jay says, pulling at the bottom of Tetsuya's shirt. "Lift up a bit, yeah?"

He does so, looking at the wall behind Jay as if he is disinterested, trying to gather his thoughts, but he jerks a bit when he feels hands touching his now bared skin. He lets out a breath, leaning down to kiss him again, unable to stop himself. He feels Jay let out a sound of surprise against his mouth but kisses him back all too quickly, pulling at Jay's shirt now, with the other man letting out a hiss as their mouths pull apart.

The shirt is quickly forgotten about, balled up and thrown somewhere into the room as he leans down to kiss him once more. He has never kissed Jay White a single time in his life before this; that line was one that had never been crossed, though in some ways many others had-but they were lines that Jay had just as willingly crossed with him, as he was now.

The taste of his lips...well, there was a reason he often tried to act indifferent, to keep any temptations truly at bay. Now that the floodgates had been opened… he couldn't stop himself. Jay groans into his mouth as he pushes him harder into the bed, a hand cupping the back of his neck so he can pull his face up closer, deepening the kiss further, tongue slipping inside.

Everything felt so damned _heated_ all of a sudden, like it was tilted off its axis and he didn't know how to put it back again-and didn't know if he even _wanted_ to put it back.

He feels hands fumbling at the front of his pants, Jay's hands again, and this time he lets him, feeling a sharp, hot, thrill pulse through him.

"So eager," He says, mouth moving to kiss Jay's throat with a surprising gentleness. "You want my cock that badly?"

Jay's growling voice, which almost certainly would be trying to send a taunt his way, quickly turns into a breathy moan as he presses his mouth harder on Jay's neck, sucking on his skin. He parts Jay's legs with his own, rubbing him with his own leg. Jay lets out a soft gasp, hands moving to Tetsuya's shoulders, the movement making him pause in what he's doing, pulling back to look at him.

The look on his face gives him great pause. Did his own face look that way, so filled with desire, with _need?_ He can feel Jay's desire made flesh, growing harder underneath him and it just spurs him on even further.

But he doesn't want to play his hand so openly (control, always about control between them), so he affects another disinterested look as he looks down at him.

"Well?" He asks, pushing against Jay's crotch again.

Jay spits at him, making him flinch back in surprise, wiping at his face as Jay laughs.

"Fuck you." Jay says.

He is still for a moment, then a laugh falls from his lips despite himself, looking at the bright light in Jay's eyes and thinks _yes,_ kissing him again.

"But we both know better, don't we?" He murmurs against Jay's lips. "I'm going to fuck _you."_

Jay shivers.

His hands move to the front of Jay's pants now, opening them up with ease, as if he had done this a million times already (he was no stranger to sex-but he certainly had never been in bed with _Jay White_ before) leaving them once more in an equal position. Jay swallows and licks his now much abused lips, looking at Tetsuya.

"What are you waiting for?" Jay asks hoarsely.

He smiles. "Did you need words of encouragement, _cosa dulce?_ I suppose if you need some…"

Jay's brows furrow. "Cosa…? What the f-no don't answer that, I probably don't want to know. Just take your damn pants off already."

His smile widened to a grin, unable to stop himself (and uncaring again; it was hard to put up the mask of indifference that worked on everyone else, on Jay. Jay could never out _mind game_ him-they both knew it-but he still...got to him.)

He leans back just enough, starting to pull his own pants down, when he raises a brow at Jay instead.

"What?" Jay asks, suspiciously.

"Nothing." He says innocently, widening his eyes exaggeratedly.

Jay snorts at that.

"Just out with it." He bats at Tetsuya's leg, but not in a serious way. Once again the _playful_ nature both of them were having with one another was something that threw him off...but not in a bad way (which in of itself was surprising enough…)

"What's that phrase? 'Show me yours and I'll show you mine?'" He gestures at the front of Jay's slightly opened pants. "Let me see you."

Jay's eyes darken, his hands moving to pull at his pants, lifting his hips, looking at Tetsuya in surprise when he helps him along.

The pants too are tossed aside, as are his underwear a moment later, leaving him bare to Tetsuya's eyes and hands, his eyes looking over his bare flesh almost greedily. Jay White was built well, compactly and lithely, the fruits of his years of hard work obvious in the planes of his body, the definition…

He finds his hands tracing just above Jay's body, not quite touching him, eyes following his hands.

"Now you." Jay says hoarsely.

He pauses what he's doing, eyes moving slowly back up to look at him, a rare moment of nervousness touching him briefly before he mentally shakes it away, starting to move off the bed.

"Wait. Where in the fuck do you think you're going?" Jay shouts as he moves away. "You son of a-"

He tunes him out a bit as he heads into the bathroom, eyes catching a small bag sitting on the sink. He opens it up quickly (Jay's shouts were getting rather loud now), putting something inside of it into his pocket and makes his way back to the bed. He stops at the foot of it, looking down.

"Going to spit on me again?" He asks in a casual, almost indifferent, tone. Despite that, a smile plays at the corner of his lips (Jay was the best kind of playmate he hadn't even known to ask for.)

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Jay sneers. He shuffles a bit on the bed. Despite his words, parts of his body still seemed very eager.

He runs a hand slowly down his front, watching Jay's eyes watch the movement closely, watches him look back at his face.

"You wouldn't?" He retorts back, making his way back onto the bed now, enjoying the sight of a very naked Jay White, fire in his eyes that doesn't look away from him. "Back up."

"Why?" Jay asks, suspicion creeping into his tone.

"Why do you think?" His smile sharpens. He widens his eyes again. "Or is this your first time? I'm honored."

"Fuck you." Jay says again.

He laughs, pulling on the back of Jay's hair, making him gasp. He takes in his gasp as he kisses him deeply, hand still pulling, forcing his head back so he can deepen the kiss. He was a good kisser, Jay, which he wonders if he should be surprised at or not. Surely there were many people, of all genders, who wanted to get into Jay White's bed.

He shivers in surprise when he feels a hand on his neck, trying to bring him even closer, if there were any distance left between them. The room was feeling warmer and warmer, despite the air conditioning that was running steadily in the background, a near silent hum, the only sound in the room besides their own sounds.

He pulls back finally, watching Jay's chest rise and fall as he panted, as he himself was panting from the exertion. Inexplicably he finds himself wanting to kiss him again, looking at the sheen of saliva on his reddened lips, wants to kiss-

What he grabbed in the bathroom feels more tangible in his jeans pocket now, as it truly hits him the situation he was in-that they were both in. But the thought burns inside of him, burns his chest, instead of making him falter. The thought of a panting, _moaning,_ Jay White beneath him as he fucks him is…

He leans down, mouth moving back to Jay's neck, slowly kissing down it, drinking in Jay's shaky moans, his pants tightening further (but no, not _yet),_ tongue running down his chest, tasting the sharp tang of sweat.

"What are you doing?" Jay asks breathlessly, which gives him another thrill. Even if he didn't have empirical evidence in front of him, the other man's voice alone would tell him how much he wanted this as well.

He doesn't answer, but instead just continues kissing his way further down his body, dragging his mouth slowly down a thigh, sucking down and lingering there for a long moment, his other hand moving across Jay's body as faintly as he can manage, just enough to tease him (because teasing him was always such _fun.)_

"What are you doing?" Jay repeats.

_What are we doing?_

"If you'd rather not…" He trails off, moving his mouth from the other man's thigh to kiss the head of his cock, almost gently.

Jay jerks in surprise, his eyes widening as he looks at Tetsuya. There's a moment there between them, as they look at one another, that lies heavy, more intense than anything they had experienced before together, despite the matches they had had against each other before this.

He can feel that heaviness deep in his bones, as if they both feel its significance. He almost doesn't want to speak up again, afraid of breaking this moment-whatever it is. But all moments must end eventually.

"What do you think I want?" Jay asks hoarsely, in response.

He hums a bit, using the time to gather his thoughts. What did Jay want? Well it seemed simple in _principle_ what he wanted…

Before Jay can react, he takes his cock into his mouth. Jay lets out a startled moan, eyes still wide as he looks at Tetsuya, as he never breaks that contact with him, sliding his length further down his throat carefully.

"Oh fuck." Jay whispers.

He shifts a bit, his cock swelling even further in Tetsuya's mouth, tasting the tang of sweat and salt on his tongue. He slowly moves Jay's cock from his mouth, as slow as he can manage, feeling a deep thrill of satisfaction at the noise of disappointment and _want_ from Jay as he pulls back completely, feeling a heady sense of power-and yes, desire too. He couldn't deny that either.

Jay's eyes close and he shifts around a bit again, unusually quiet, _waiting._

What to do now? Should he continue in this way? So many possibilities were-surprisingly (he _certainly_ didn't expect something like this to happen)-open to him. But what about time? What amount of time could he spend…

He pauses in that thought. He hadn't ever thought about such things before when sleeping with someone. A quick tumble with someone, with clothes being shed as thoughts went out the window to focus only on pleasure. But now he was thinking of so many things.

His mind raced with thought of _possibilities_. He was focusing on getting _Jay White_ off. When had he ever cared so much about wanting to do such a thing? With _anyone?_ Quick fumbles in the dark or a closet or a hallway, hands jerking together or fucking someone quickly...that was his usual thing. Not... _this._

_What are we doing?_

He puts Jay's cock back into his mouth, Jay letting out a startling moan in response, running his tongue alongside it, the sound of Jay's panting breaths, of his soft moans, sending a shock of pleasure up his spine as he listens to it, as he pleasures Jay's cock inside of his mouth.

Jay was coming undone beneath him; a feast for the eyes that he never expected.

"Naito." Jay breathes out.

And wasn't _that_ an utterly thrilling sound? He jerks a bit, unable to stop himself, so hard now he was aching. But he couldn't stop now. Not with an increasingly pliant Jay White beneath him, inside of his mouth, coming unraveled because of him.

He frees his hands from what he was doing and pops open the container he had brought, coating his hand in a clear, almost thick liquid. He takes Jay in deeper, using the jerk of Jay's hips forward to-

"Naito-" Jay chokes off, eyes snapping to look at him, wide in his face. "What are…"

His finger wasn't inside of Jay just yet, waiting instead. He moves his mouth from his cock again, licking his lips, watching Jay's eyes on it, glazed over from pleasure and obvious lust.

"Would you rather me be rougher?" He asks him, more serious than he intended to speak. Jay looks at him for a moment, a look he can't decipher crossing his expression before clearing up.

"Do…" Jay swallows, looking away. "What you want."

He shivers at that.

Free license from _Jay White?_ When control had been a constant struggle between them since...well, longer than he can even recall at this point?

He leans up, using his free hand to touch Jay's face.

"Look at me."

Jay stills under his touch for a moment, before his eyes turn to look back at him. It's quiet again, as they look at each other. He wasn't even sure he _could_ speak right now.

This was...too much.

This was already too much, already overwhelming. But he cannot look away from Jay, can only look at him for a long time, before leaning down, kissing him as he slides his finger inside of him. Jay jerks against him for a moment and he shushes him against his mouth, deepening the kiss as he penetrates him in a way that he almost has no words for. This was…

Jay licks his lips as Tetsuya pulls back, licking away the sheen of saliva that had passed between them.

"Naito?" Jay asks after a moment, almost hesitantly.

He shakes his head. He cannot speak yet, the curious feeling in him starting to settle somewhere deep inside of his chest. He continues to move his finger inside, watching Jay's face for any sign of discomfort but finds none. He adds in another finger, kissing him again as he does so, almost unable to stop himself at this point, but Jay doesn't seem to mind.

In fact his hands start to wander now, Jay's, feeling hot against Tetsuya's already hot skin, making him hiss when Jay's nails dig into his sides, pulling him closer, coming to rest on his hips.

"You're not fair." Jay murmurs against his lips.

He pulls back a bit, raising an eyebrow at him. "This is news to you? Well, it all started when I-"

"Shut up." Jay says, but there is no bite behind it. It is almost _fond._ "Not what I was talking about."

"Then…?"

"Take your fucking pants off. I'm not the only one who is going to be naked. I...want to see you too."

He pauses, looking at Tetsuya, as if wondering what his response in return might be. He looks at Jay for a long moment before shrugging, as if carefree, pulling back, moving his hand carefully out of Jay to work at the front of his pants. He can feel Jay's eyes on him as he starts to free himself.

"You're not wearing underwear?" Jay asks hoarsely. He glances up at him and Jay clears his throat a bit, a curious flush moving up his neck, fascinating Tetsuya for a moment.

He hums a bit. "Nn. Well I wasn't exactly expecting to be accosted by you."

" _Accosted."_ Jay scoffs, though he seems to be biting his lip to keep from smiling.

"I was just getting ready to go about my innocent business…"

A snort escapes Jay despite his obvious best try not to and Tetsuya has to fight a smile on his own face at it.

"Innocent business that involved…?" Jay raises a brow.

"Something that your delicate ears probably don't need to hear."

He mimes closing his hands over his ears and Jay laughs, a full, truly _genuine_ laugh-and he isn't sure which one of them is more startled at it. Jay looks at him a moment later, the laughter fading, eyes wide in his face and Tetsuya is leaning forward, kissing him before he even registers he's done so.

Jay clings onto him with warm, if slightly shaking, hands, taking his face in his hands as he is the one to deepen the kiss. There, that feeling in his chest again, tightening, _warm._ They're that way for a long time and he takes in every kiss from Jay, pushes himself closer against his body, rocking against him, taking in his gasps down with another kiss.

He pulls back finally, panting, having to take a breath, watching Jay's chest heaving with harsh breathing as well.

"You…"

Jay's expression sharpens and he looks at Tetsuya and it's only then that he realizes that he was the one who had spoken up, not Jay.

"What about me?" Jay asks breathlessly.

Words that have never once been a thought of his in his life enter his mind then. He swallows hard and shakes his head, trying to wipe them away, but they linger in him, and they are only _more_ present when he leans down to kiss Jay one more time, before he pushes his legs apart.

_Ahora te voy a hacer el amor._

He raises a brow at him.

"What do you think?" He asks with an exaggerated smile.

Jay rolls his eyes, looking up at the ceiling.

"Save me from overdramatic wrestlers…"

"Hm?" Tetsuya asks, a hand to his ear, leaning down. "What was that? What is that phrase?"

"Pot calling the kettle black." Jay mutters.

Tetsuya laughs.

"Yes. That."

The laughter lingers in the air for a few moments after that, even after the sounds are gone, before things turn quiet, serious again.

_Ahora te voy a hacer el amor._

Those words and thoughts again. Things he had never thought about before. Even if he doesn't say them aloud to Jay, he still feels the weight of them.

He pulls back, picking up the forgotten bottle of lubrication with slightly shaky hands. Jay's eyes widen a bit at it, clearly having forgotten about it as well.

"I don't have any _proteccion,_ but if you're worried about me being clean-"

"It's fine."

He raises a brow. "It is?"

Jay reddens slightly and nods, looking away.

"It's fine." Jay says, quieter now.

"Alright." He says gently.

"You're not...worried? I mean I'm-"

"No, I'm not worried about that. I trust you."

Jay lets out a shaky breath and it takes Tetsuya a moment to realize what he's said. But he doesn't take the words back, nor does he linger either. He coats his erection, hissing a bit at the cool liquid as it touches his heated skin, before pushing Jay's legs apart further, lining himself up at his entrance.

He almost wants to speak then, but a rare moment of fear seizes him; not that he didn't want this...but the fear that _Jay_ didn't want this.

He's therefore startled when Jay grabs his face and kisses him. He kisses back instinctively, pouring himself into the kiss as Jay deepens it.

"It's okay." Jay murmurs against his lips. "It's okay, Tetsuya."

He pushes inside, soaking in Jay's surprised moan against his lips, soaking in his given name on Jay's lips and a feeling deep in his chest, as if coming to beat for the first time.

His body feels like it's on _fire,_ like he is burning from deep within. The heat of Jay's body, both inside and out, it's enough to make a moan burst forth from his lips that he can't hold back.

"Oh god." Jay's voice is a bare whisper then and if Tetsuya hadn't been so intimately close to him he wouldn't have heard it. "Oh _god."_

He holds back from pushing in deeper with difficulty, leaning up to look at him with a concerned eye.

"Are you alright?"

Jay shakes his head, but he clings to Tetsuya tighter.

"Don't stop." Jay says. His face is flush with exertion, his hands are clinging to Tetsuya's arms and all Tetsuya can do is _look at him. Look at Jay…_ "Please don't stop."

The _please_ from someone like Jay White is...almost more than Tetsuya can take. It makes that _warm_ feeling bloom even further, deeper. He uses it as fuel, pushes in deeper, kissing down Jay's groan, taking care of him in a way he had never fathomed to take care of anyone else.

"I've got you." Was that his own voice? That gravelly, emotion filled thing? That was him? "I've got you, Jamie."

Jay lets out a sobbing breath, his head moving to the crook of Tetsuya's neck.

"No, no." He says. "Let me see your face. Let me see you."

"Please." Jay whispers. His hands dig into Tetsuya's flesh but he barely notices the pain. "Please."

"Let me see you."

"Naito."

"Jamie."

" _Tetsuya._ I...I _can't."_

"What do you need? I've got you." He says, kissing Jay's neck. Kissing it again and again as he moves inside of him, as Jay holds him close, as Tetsuya feels like he is ready to unravel above him, kept only afloat for _him._ "Whatever you want."

" _Stop._ I can't-"

He pauses, brow furrowed. "Stop? Are you...if it hurts-"

Jay laughs, a wet little laugh against him. "It doesn't hurt."

_That_ doesn't hurt, is what Jay was really saying, wasn't it. _This_ doesn't hurt, he was saying. Then what _did_ hurt could only be something more...physically intangible.

He swallows against the sudden lump in his throat. This was... _more._ This wasn't just some quick and easy tumble in a bed, was it? How could he ever think something, when it came to Jay White, would _ever_ be easy? He had never wanted it to be before now. Only...he hadn't ever really thought of the _implications_ of that.

Jay had been thinking about the same things?

Did that mean that he too-

" _Te estoy haciendo el amor ahora,_ Jay." He says softly. Jay shakes against him, a soft moan escaping him. " _¿Me sientes dentro de ti?"_

"Oh fuck. Please, I need-"

He moves his hand down to Jay's cock, which jerks under his touch, running his hand against the sheen of precome there, the evidence of Jay's wants and needs and _desires_ , starts to stroke him in time to his thrusting.

"You feel…" He shivers, the feelings shivering up his spine, down his body. The heat of him… "So good. Do you feel good?"

" _Yes._ You don't know how much I've-" Jay bites off.

He can feel it building in him, the pleasure, almost more than he can bear. _All of this_ nearly too much to bear.

"Jay-"

"You don't know how long I've _wanted_ this." Jay finally says. "How long I've-"

He jerks against him, as Jay cries out, as he moves against Tetsuya's hand, covering them both in his come. He cries out and holds him close as he follows him down into that same pleasure. He nearly slumps against him but just manages to hold up, moaning from the little aftershocks of white hot pleasure in his body, soaking in Jay's moans like they were a caress.

He pulls out finally a few moments later, kissing Jay's tear soaked eyes as he lifts his head to look up at him, can only imagine the expression on his own face, his heart feeling like it's ready to burst out of his chest (how could anyone deal with these emotions? So strong...so strong…)

" _En las ... partes más profundas. Ahí es donde estás, para mí."_ He confesses. Because where else could anyone but Jay settle but there?

There had never been anyone else.

The thought is as terrifying to him as it is exhilarating and all he wants to do is drown in these newly realized feelings, these sensations, these things that Jay had made him realize.

He kisses him again, tasting the salt of Jay's tears. Poor Jay. He was always someone filled to the brim with life and emotion and it seemed to spill out in the worst way sometimes because he didn't know how to handle it-or to keep it at bay. But he also _liked_ that about him.

He always had.

"Naito-"

Tetsuya shakes his head.

" _No,_ Jay."

Jay licks his lips. "Tetsuya."

"Yes?"

Jay wraps his arms around Tetsuya's neck and he can feel the trembling of his limbs there, wants to soothe everything there with another kiss and then another and another and another-

" _More."_

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Much later, he was sore in places he hadn't known you could be sore in and more... _content_ than he can remember being in a very, very long time. And that too scared him. He remembered the last time he had felt that way-and the fallout that had followed so swiftly afterwards.

He looks over at Jay sleepily, who was sound asleep, on his side, the sheet that Tetsuya had managed to get over them after their second go around (third, if you counted what Jay had done so skillfully with his mouth-and Tetsuya certainly _did)_ and moves closer, moving behind him to hold him close. He pauses when Jay lets out a soft sound in his sleep-but all he does is relax under Tetsuya's touch.

_Look at you, Jamie._

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

He awakens fully, finally, and blinks against the light seeping in through the slightly cracked blinds, groaning slightly. He stretches a bit, carefully, moaning against his pleasantly sore body, reaching a hand forward-

"Jay."

-for someone that wasn't there.

He sits up even more carefully, before listening. Maybe Jay had decided on a quick morning shower? Maybe he was too shy to ask Tetsuya to join him. The thought of a _shy_ Jay White was one he wouldn't have ever given as much stock to, until last night, but the mixture of a bossy and _needy_ Jay had been such a _thrill._

Maybe they could...

He opens the bathroom door-

-and no one is there.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The New Beginning show in Hiroshima had been fun. He had won the tag match with SANADA, BUSHI had come out on top against Kawato and Hiromu had retained against SHO (in what had been a breathtakingly good match.)

And now he was on tour with the rest of _Los Ingobernables de Japon_ on this road to _Castle Attack._

It's those kinds of good feelings which have kept him from thinking about _other_ things too much and keeping his spirits unusually up, even after he decides, later, to confront Ibushi to take back one of the belts that Ibushi had won at Wrestle Kingdom. Despite his love-hate relationship with the Intercontinental Belt, the thought of it being absorbed and _forgotten_ about, a worse fate than any physical thing he had ever done to it, struck something deep within him.

He knew better than almost anyone else what it was like to be tossed aside and forgotten.

He hadn't thought closely on _that night_ for a long time now, so it's like lightning striking through him, as if soaring like a current through his body, when he is walking through the back of the arena, ready to make his leave...and he sees Jay up _close_ for the first time since then.

Jay pauses in mid stride (alone, for all that he had been surrounded by Bullet Club members since his return) once he seems to realize that someone else is there. He looks at Jay whose expression is surprisingly blank as he looks at him (Jay was full of all kinds of moods, up and down, all the time, so to see him like... _this_ was disconcerting. It reminded him all too keenly of that promo he did after Wrestle Kingdom this year, when he had laid his heart bare.)

"Ah." Jay says, in a bland tone. He seems to shake himself mentally a bit, a smirk on his face a moment later. "Well look who it is! The _challenger!_ Get to have Ibushi to yourself again _already!_ A good thing SANADA didn't take that opportunity from you!"

He tilts his head, looking at him closer. There. That tension around the mouth, the eyes. How could anyone believe Jay White when he spoke in that kind of tone? No one else could read him? Apparently not. But Tetsuya always could. At least he had thought so. Then _that night_ happened...and he had woken up alone.

"Well?" Jay asks, leaning forward, acting as though he were mocking Tetsuya by doing his eye taunt. "Nothing to say? You're not the most vocal person, I know, but I figured you'd-"

"No."

Jay straightens up. "Excuse me? No, _what?"_

"I didn't challenge Ibushi so I could face him again."

Jay looks at him, confusion in his face now, breaking up that unnerving almost _coldness_ that had been over it moments before.

"I did it so I could get the Intercontinental Belt back. I don't want him to merge the belts."

Jay's mouth thins and he looks away. "I don't either." He says, begrudgingly, as if not wanting to admit to it aloud to Tetsuya.

"Aren't you curious as to the rest of what I had to say after?"

"Who says I watched your little backstage promo?" Jay sneers, looking back at him.

Tetsuya smiles a bit at him.

"You did." He says with confidence.

Jay snorts, rolling his eyes.

"Say I _did."_ Jay says, crossing his arms. "Just what part of it should I have been _intrigued_ about? Your not so subtle way of talking about Nakamura? Who the fuck cares about him? He _left."_

"I know." He says blandly. "That wasn't it. And you don't need to be jealous of him."

"I'm not jealous of _Nakamura._ Look at me! Single handedly sold out Madison Square Garden! Main evented…" Jay seems to deflate a little, for all that his words are spoken passionately. "Main evented Wrestle Kingdom."

"And anyway," Jay continues. "Your way of saying you were looking forward to someone challenging you for the Intercontinental Title?"

"You think I'll win it then?" He asks, smile widening, almost a smirk, as Jay blanches a bit.

"I...what in the fuck does it...why am I even talking to…" Jay says.

He starts to walk past Tetsuya but he stops him with a hand on his shoulder, holding back a shiver with difficulty as he touches him. Even through the layer of the t-shirt Jay was wearing, it was still a thrill to touch him again, especially after so long.

"And you don't need to be jealous of Ibushi either."

"I'm not _jealous_ of _anybody."_ Jay hisses. "Just because he got _lucky_ in our matches, doesn't mean-"

_Our matches._

Jay thought about Tetsuya's match the night before too? The way he had spoken about Wrestle Kingdom, despite having main evented it…

"I mean about me."

_That_ stops Jay's next ranting cold. He looks at Tetsuya with widening eyes, throat contracting, before he takes a step away, which knocks Tetsuya's hand from his shoulder.

" _No de esa manera entre nosotros."_ He tells Jay. " _Admiro su trabajo pero no me gusta a el."_

"Stop." Jay says, looking, despite his demeanor otherwise, reminiscent of the Young Lion that Tetsuya had once fought-and even, that one spare time, teamed together with. The Young Lion who had looked at Tetsuya like...how had he never noticed that until now?

" _Cosa dulce."_

" _Stop!"_

He takes a step forward, crossing that little bit of distance between them and hesitates only a moment before placing his hands on the sides of Jay's face. Jay who looked simultaneously _terrified_ and _yearning._

"Jay."

Jay shakes his head violently.

"Jamie." He says softer now, quiet.

Jay stills at that, not looking at him.

It's quiet for a long time, but he doesn't move away...and neither does Jay. The only sounds are muffled and far away from either of them (so funny then, that they should meet. _Destino, hm?)_

And then:

"Tetsuya." Jay replies quietly, eyes closing, as if unable to look at him now.

"Jamie."

"Stop. I...can't. I'm sorry. I can't…"

"You _can."_ He says, but gently. "I want you to look at me."

"I _can't."_

"But I want to kiss you while you see _me."_

Another pause, then Jay opens his eyes slowly, looking at Tetsuya with that hesitant look on his face again (but this time he does not try to push him away.)

"So you know that I am looking at _you_ while I kiss you. That I think of you while I kiss you."

"You're not fair." Jay says, the expression on his face deepening, as if he wanted to cry.

"Is it really too much to ask?"

"I...no." Jay swallows. "No."

He leans forward, eyes searching Jay's face, his expression, before closing as he kisses him. Jay lets out a soft sound at Tetsuya's touch. He can feel the slight tremble of Jay's body as he kisses him softly and slowly, savoring it in a way he has savored few things.

_Mira lo que has hecho._

"No." Jay breathes.

"No?" He asks against his mouth, before kissing him again, deeper this time.

"Not…" Jay pushes him away a bit, face flushed, eyes bright. "Not...here."

"I have a hotel room close to here."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

_That Night_ feels both like a long time ago and only minutes before, as if he had just been touching Jay, as he is now-

"Ahh. Wait." Jay moans, pushing Tetsuya back away again, which puts him flush up against his hotel door.

"But I don't _want_ to wait." He says without thinking.

Jay tries to plaster on a smirk, but it is a pale imitation of what he usually can do (they are both too far gone already.)

"You?" Jay drawls. " _Mr. Tranquilo?"_

"You are the only one who makes me feel this way." Tetsuya says.

This itching, this _burning,_ under his skin, a _craving_ that demands to be fed.

Jay steps back, his hand against his mouth that Tetsuya had just been kissing.

"You are…" Jay says, but he doesn't finish what he is saying.

He pushes off of the door and touches Jay's shoulder, who stiffens under his touch.

"Jay?"

Jay shakes his head.

"I can't...I thought I could, but I can't." He tries to move past Tetsuya to go to the door but he pulls at his arm. Jay turns, eyes blazing. "Let me _go,_ Tetsuya."

"Maybe if you meant what you said. And if you didn't call me by my name."

Jay knocks his hand away, but he doesn't try to open the door again. Instead he leans against it, laughing a wet sounding laugh, hands rubbing at his eyes.

"I told myself," Jay finally says. "For so long, that I would never be another one of your conquests."

Tetsuya's eyes widen. "Conques-"

"But I went and did it anyway." Jay laughs again, but it only sounds miserable, not humorous. "I can never help myself, when it comes to you."

"Jay."

"I kept waiting to hear through the grapevine of Tetsuya Naito's latest notch on his bedpost."

" _Jay!"_

Jay moves his hand from his face, looking at Tetsuya with such a miserable expression that it hurts to look at. He sighs and walks forward, hesitating only briefly before wiping at Jay's eyes.

"You're always full of such emotion." He says, fondness in his tone, despite everything.

"You-"

"And you were never a conquest or a notch in my bedpost to brag about. Well," He amends. "I'd brag about how good it was, together, but not because you were just another person to me. You have _never_ been something so simple to me. Even when I didn't understand why."

Jay doesn't respond, only looks at Tetsuya with an expression he can only hope at.

"Are you going to leave me again, Jay?"

"Leave…" Jay licks his lips. "Leave you?"

"I was going to…" Tetsuya pauses, trying to gather the right words for what he wants to say. "I wanted to tell you…"

"Tell me?" Jay whispers.

He runs a hand down Jay's hair, grasping at the end of it with a gentle hand.

"Come to bed with me." He says. "And I'll tell you."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"You don't need to be nervous." He says, as he's taking off his shirt, tossing it to the side without a second thought.

"I'm not."

"You don't need to be nervous _alone."_ He amends.

Jay pauses in the middle of undoing his belt buckle, glancing at Tetsuya.

"You're nervous?"

He shrugs.

"I've never been before," He confesses to him. "Maybe the very first time I ever slept with someone, but that is...a universal trait for most, right? But other than that, no."

"And now?" Jay presses, eyes focused and bright on him.

"You have never been so simple to me." He says again, echoing the words he had said minutes before.

Jay turns away from him, swiftly taking off the rest of his clothing, as does Tetsuya, throwing it into the same pile as Tetsuya's clothing, mingling them together.

"What if you leave in a hurry again?" He says mildly, as he pushes a surprised Jay onto the bed. "It'll make it hard for you to get your clothes."

Jay looks up at him, nervousness and that _something else_ in his eyes again.

"You said you'd tell me." Jay says, in lieu of answering Tetsuya's semi-question.

He smiles a bit, leaning his head down a bit as he maneuvers his body above Jay's, _almost_ touching but not quite, feeling his body heat, resisting the urge to sink down into him.

"Tell me why you left, Jamie."

Jay's eyes widen and his nostrils flare in a sudden burst of emotion. He glances away.

"I told you why." He says.

"Tell me _everything."_

"Why?" Jay bites out. "Why does it _matter?"_

Jay gasps as Tetsuya kisses his chest.

"So I can tell you."

Though how Jay would react to such a thing…

Still, there is an air of playfulness in him, between them, despite the tension otherwise. It was always such a back and forth between them. And now? Now it had deepened (in many ways) and here they were (again) at such a point, in such _intimacy._ It made Tetsuya's head reel as much as his heart _beat_ with it.

"Tell me, Jamie."

"Stop." Jay says weakly, pushing at Tetsuya, though it was obvious he wasn't really trying to push him away. "Stop _calling me that."_

"Why? It's your name isn't it?"

" _Yes._ But it makes it sound like you…" Jay licks his lips, looking hesitant now. "That you care."

"I like calling you that. Between us." He confesses. "If that isn't care, then what is it? Jay."

Jay puts an arm over his eyes, but he doesn't try to move Tetsuya.

"If you had woken up that morning...after everything and had tried to toss me out or...fuck, if you looked at me like I was _nothing?_ I couldn't stand the thought of that. So I left." Jay says dully. "I had...I had thought about that time so much I thought I'd go crazy with it. _Felt_ crazy half the time and joining Bullet Club hadn't helped with that. Ended up being around you _more._ And then it actually _happened_ and I was _terrified._ You don't know how long I've...thought of you."

He stares down at him, starts to say something when-

"You don't know," Jay continues, his voice sounding much more choked up now, filled with the emotion he so often didn't know how to let loose in ways that wouldn't hurt him. "How long I have _loved_ you _-"_

He pulls Jay's arm away and kisses him, hard, soaking in Jay's sobbing breath as he collapses atop him, kissing him, _kissing him,_ but no, maybe that sobbing breath wasn't Jay's after all? Jay's eyes are wet with tears that haven't spilled, so what was this then?

He moves his head back, eyes widening, his breath catching, when Jay's trembling hand wipes away what have to be tears from Tetsuya's eyes.

" _Mira lo que has hecho."_ Tetsuya tells him. _"Todo lo que puedo pensar ahora es en ti. Todo lo que quiero es a ti. Todo lo que sé es mi amor por ti."_

"I-I don't understand-"

"Look what you have done to me." Tetsuya says, taking Jay's hand and placing it onto his chest, holding it with one of his own, where his heart must be beating like it was ready to leave his body. "All I can think of now is you."

He reaches down with his other hand to touch his face.

"All I want is you." He says softly, trailing his hand down to Jay's chest, lingering there.

He stops, looking back at Jay, whose tears _are_ flowing now. He looks at Tetsuya like a revelation and it only makes that feeling in Tetsuya grow deeper. How did people _handle_ this? How could anyone handle such strong things… but Jay, mercurial and still soft hearted Jay (who had done all he could to hide-especially to himself-that person he had once been, as a Young Lion, and, as it turned out...still very much _was,_ in all the ways that mattered) was laying his heart out there, bare and unguarded, to Tetsuya.

So how could he _not_ do the same for him in return?

"All I know is my love for you."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

His arms are full now, his body is warm and his heart is even _warmer._

He cradles Jay's head carefully in his hands, shivering as Jay's hands tighten around him.

"Say it again." Jay demands.

"You'll have my mouth running dry by the end of the night." He says, but in a joking tone, stroking the sides of his face with his thumb.

" _Tetsuya."_ Jay hisses.

He laughs.

But then; his laughter fades as their eyes meet, as he takes in everything that Jay White is. As Jay takes in everything that _Tetsuya_ is-and doesn't find him lacking.

"I love you, sweet thing."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Notes:

_cabron - dumbass_

_mi amigo - my friend_

_cosa dulce - sweet thing_

_Ahora te voy a hacer el amor - Now I'm going to make love to you_

_proteccion - protection_

_Te estoy haciendo el amor ahora - I'm making love to you now_

_¿Me sientes dentro de ti? - Do you feel me inside of you?_

_En las ... partes más profundas. Ahí es donde estás, para mí - In the ... deepest parts. That's where you are, for me_

_No de esa manera entre nosotros - Not that way between us_

_Admiro su trabajo pero no me gusta a el - I admire his work but I don't like him_

_Mira lo que has hecho - look what you have done_

_Tranquilo - Quiet_

_Todo lo que puedo pensar ahora es en ti. Todo lo que quiero es a ti. Todo lo que sé es mi amor por ti. - All I can think of now is you. All I want is you. All I know is my love for you._


End file.
